Out Of the Mouths Of Babes

Gail and Mark
My two contributors to this story.

Art Linkletter used to have a radio show in which he featured kids and he would ask questions framed in a way to elicit funny answers. It was a big hit and I never missed it. I was musing about his show and began thinking about the funny things kids I knew had said.

One time I had a snake in my house and when I discovered it I let out a shriek. My son, who was still in diapers, asked me, “Whassa’ matter, Mommy?" In a breathless tone I replied, “There’s a snake in the house.” He asked me, “Did the snake go EEEK Mommy?”

When I was pregnant with my daughter my son was ten years old. It was not an easy pregnancy and I suffered with nausea the entire nine months. One night when my color was a shade of green my son looked at me with sympathy and said, “Mommy, you shouldn’t born any more babies. Maybe you should get your sack lowered, or whatever it is they do.”

My daughter stopped me cold when I scolded her for leaving her toys all over the living room when company was expected soon. She was four years old and with the wisdom of a precocious child told me, “You know something, Mommy? You never should of had children.” Ouch!

The funniest stories came from my friend's children. We were sharing a house with a couple who had two little boys. The oldest was three years old when he got mad at his parents for making him go to bed, which he loudly proclaimed that he didn’t want to do. In desperation he told his Mom that he was going to run away. His Mom played along with his charade and reminded him that he would get hungry and she put a potato in a sack for his lunch. Then she bundled him up, turned the porch light on, and asked him to be sure to write them when he learned how. It was January in Wisconsin and the snow was piled as high as the porch. It was also a very dark night with not a star visible. Donny, the little boy, was looking more and more unsure about running away, but he let his mother guide him outside. We turned the inside lights off and watched him from the window. He got as far as the end of the porch, stood there for a few minutes, came back in the house and proclaimed that he had decided to wait until tomorrow to run away. We assured him that was a wise decision.

I have saved what I think is the funniest one to the last. When my son was ten years old he had a good friend who had two sisters and a very small brother about three years old. We lived in the country so it was a long drive to Church. There was an old man that decided to hold Sunday School for the neighborhood children. The three older children of this family attended every Sunday, but the small child stayed home. One Sunday he decided that he wanted to go. When he got home his mother asked him what he learned. He said, “Oh, God lives in a tent and Jesus has a ring in his nose.” Needless to say, this puzzled his mother and she asked the oldest girl where he got those ideas. The girl thought for a long time and finally came up with the answer. She told her mother that when the Sunday School teacher ended the lesson he told them that God takes care of you and spreads his tent over you. And when he took up the collection he rang a little bell and said, “When I ring this bell, Jesus knows.”

I would bet that you have funny stories to tell and I would love hearing them.