Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Laughter Is the Best Medicine

This came in my e-mail and I laughed so hard I completely forgot about the craziness of the world for a few minutes.  I'll bet you would like a break from the all of the bad news that we hear on a daily basis.  
Take a deep breath and fasten your seat belt so you won't fall our of your chair. Our Australian friends 'down under' have a delicious sense of humor.  Enjoy!!!
 

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

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Q:
Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A
: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________

Q:
Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA )
A
:Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________

Q:
I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A
: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q:
Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A
: What did your last slave die of?
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Q
:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A:  A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

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Q:
Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
A
: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________

Q:
Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A
:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
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Q:
Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A
: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays everyTuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________

Q:
Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A
: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________

Q:
Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A
: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal
.
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Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A
: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A
: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A
: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________

Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France )
A
: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A
: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
_______________________________________________________________________________

Blog Spot is at it again.   No matter how hard I try, it is determined to format this with spaces between sentences.  I hate you Blog Spot.


23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Darlene--I laughed and laughed at some of those. Thanks for sharing!
Cop Car

Darlene said...

Cop Car - You are very welcome.

Kay Dennison said...

Thanks!!!! I loved it!

Darlene said...

*Kay Dennison - You are most welcome. Glad you liked it.

janinsanfran said...

I've always wanted to go to Australia ... Maybe I'll get there yet.

I howled.

joared said...

We get really weird ideas about places with which we're unfamiliar. These questions really illustrate how crazy perceptions can be.

We oughta get TGB's music man to give us the scoop on Australia -- isn't he from there?

Joy Des Jardins said...

Well you know how I feel about laughter Darlene....it is absolutely the best medicine. These were wonderful....I'm still laughing. Thanks so much... ~Joy

Darlene said...

*Janisfran - I hope you make it. I also hope I will make it to S. F. again when you are home. :-)

*Joared - You're right, he is an Aussie. I have 2 other Aussies on my blog roll.

*Joy Des Jardins- We are in sync on that, Joy.

Looking to the Stars said...

LOL, thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I needed a really good laugh, this was great :)

Grannymar said...

I enjoyed a good old chuckle at those, Darlene.

Darlene said...

*Looking To the Stars - I'm always happy to oblige.

Grannymar - We all need a good chuckle now and then.

Leslie Parsley said...

Love it. Laughter is good for the soul and Aussies do have a terrific sense of humor. Enjoyed this needed bit of reprieve from all the other stuff.

Re formatting. I've noticed lately that it is getting harder and harder to copy and paste text into Blogger and reformat it. I'm not so sure it's a Blogger thing, though. I think it's something the original sources have designed in their software to prevent people from "stealing" their text and acting like it's their own without giving credit - not that that ever happens. Har. About the only way to get around it is to type the content yourself - but I still give credit as I know you do.

Darlene said...

*Leslie Parsley - Thank you for your insight. That make sense. Since this was sent to me without the author's name I couldn't give credit. There was a picture with it and it vanished after I published it. I didn't try to get it back because I have found it is useless to do so. It was a funny map and it's too bad I was unable to copy it. I guess we're going to have to come up with original humor. I'm doomed. :-(

Nancy said...

Very funny, Darlene.

You have made my day!

We just got rid of IRENE and I needed a hearty laugh and you have given me that. Thanks!

Darlene said...

*Nancy - You are welcome. After the storm it's good to laugh.

Freda said...

Doubt I shall get there, but I enjoyed the humour along the way.

Darlene said...

*Freda - I will never get there, that's for sure, but would love to see the country 'down under.'

Tabor said...

Thanks, Darlene, for the good laugh. After this hurricane mess I needed some down under humor.

Lydia said...

These are great! I needed this laugh and thank you immensely.

Sorry blogspot is doing that to you. Want to know something else weird? Your profile image in my list of followers (way back on the first page of followers!) is a big black triangle with a big white exclamation point in the center. Now what could that be about?!

Darlene said...

*Tabor - did I read that a tree fell on your house during the hurricane? That must have been terrifying and it will disrupt your lives for a while.

*Lydia - I guess blog spot thinks that I expired or something. I have all sorts of other problems with them and my BP goes through the roof daily with this infernal machine.

Xtreme English said...

wonderful! I like the "drop bears"!

btw, your new profile photo is wonderful! sheeet, you don't look a day over 63!!

One Woman's Journey - a journal being written from Woodhaven - her cottage in the woods. said...

Darlene, thank you
Needed the smile on my face.
Always love reading what you share.....
Have a good evening.

ellen said...

I needed some funny in my day! I'm on a one day news strike to regain my sense of humor!