Thursday, April 8, 2010

The End Of the Saga And a Laugh

An update on my third root canal: the good news is that the procedure was finally successful. The bad news is that this was the most unpleasant one of the three. It took two hours from the first injection until they finally took that latex square off of my mouth. The Novocane was wearing off so at the end of the poking and scraping it became painful. If they had told me I needed another one I would have punched that specialist in the face. (No matter that she is sweet and gentle.) Now after I get a permanent filling next week it will be over.

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Why we love children ...

1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'


2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents ..'


3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'


4) MORE NUDITY


A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'


5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'


6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'


7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'


8) DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'


9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)


10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'


11) BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'


NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT

14 comments:

Nancy said...

Hello Darlene,

Hurrah for your tooth problem finally being fixed.

Good for you for being such a patient patient!

Joy Des Jardins said...

Those children's stories are so adorable...I just love that stuff.

I'm so happy that your dental work is over Darlene. Such a long time sitting there with that dumb rubber thingamajig stuffed in your mouth. You deserve a medal for that alone. Now it should be a piece of cake to finish up...Bravo. Hugs, Joy

Darlene said...

*Nancy - Actually, I didn't have a choice. They had me gagged. ;=)

*Joy - Is anything cuter or funnier than "out of the mouth of babes"? I'm looking forward to that 'piece of cake.'

Looking to the Stars said...

Yes, it brightened my day :)
Thank you!

I'm glad your dental work is done. Its never fun.

#2 was my favorite of the stories, thanks again :)

Ugich Konitari said...

Darlene,

12,000 miles away, I think we both have the same planet configuration, and never mind that our skies look different....I just got over a root canal digging myself, the filling is done, and am waiting for the crown stuff. ( I too had a deadly search for a canal, as they couldnt find it at first; supposedly it calicifies as you great older and becomes a relic of some sort :-))

Hope you are doing good !

Darlene said...

*Looking to the Stars - I'm glad it's done,also. You're welcome.

*Ugich Konitari - You are right. We must have the same configuration. You were lucky it only took one time to dig the calcium out. My tooth really was a relic (Because I am one ;-). )and took 3 tries to finally get the job done.

Rummuser said...

Darlene, it is nearing bed time as I write this in India. I am most certainly going to bed soon. I however doubt that I shall be able to sleep for some time laughing, remembering the stories. I have already forgotten what a day it had been! Thank you and congratulations on finally getting the root canal over with.

Darlene said...

*Rummuser - I am mightily happy that the root canal portion of my dental visits is over. At least until I need another one. Next time I think I will just say, "Pull the sucker." An extraction couldn't be much worse.

Tom Degan's Daily Rant said...

OUCH!

I had my second root canal last year, Darlene. My first one (in the late sixties) went on for hours. The latest one took less than an hour. How the times have changed!

Love and Peace,

Tom Degan

Darlene said...

*Tom Degan - Ouch is right! How did they keep you deadened for hours? Your first root canal must have been sheer torture. I won't complain anymore.

la peregrina said...

I am so glad your dental nightmare is over and thank you for the smiles. :)

Darlene said...

*la peregrina - I have to confess, it wasn't that big of a deal; I just needed something to post. ;-)

There have been worse nightmares in my life. It doesn't even compare to breaking my hip.

Anonymous said...

Darlene--The bad news is that sometimes the little silver wire that they leave in the tooth socket corrodes away to nothing and a new one must be inserted. I shall be very happy if you and I get to commiserate over your ill fortune - in about 20 or 25 years (that's how long it took mine to corrode away!)

Love the kiddie stories - laughed aloud at a couple of them. I'll forward them to my granddaughter who is expecting her first child.
Cop Car

Darlene said...

*Cop Car - If I'm here in 20-25 years I don't think I'll have a tooth in my head; nor will I care. ;-)