Monday, August 18, 2008

Elder Jokes



Sometimes we have to keep our sense of humor and have a good laugh at ourselves. Remember what keeps the doctor away. ;-)

And if you've heard them before remember, I'm older than dirt and my jokes are too.

Enjoy!!!

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?'

'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.'

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An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.

'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife....'

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Aging:

Eventually you will reach a point
when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.

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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

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Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft... Today, it's called golf.

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Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.

The first old guy says to the second guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'

The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

The first old guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?'

' The second old guy says, 'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts.

What does your wife look like?'


To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours.'


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Lord, Keep Your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

3 comments:

Nancy said...

Darlene,

Your story of the two old guys in Wal Mart reminded me of the time some old fellow was checking out and the cashier at Wal Mart noticed that his fly was open.

She said to him,' Sir, your barracks door is open."

He had no idea what she meant and turned to leave the store when another guy looked at him and said," Hey, buddy,your fly is open." Oh, he thought, "that's what she meant."

He goes back and says to the cashier, "Miss, When my barracks door was open did you see a soldier in there standing at attention?"

She replied," No, Sir, All I saw was a disabled vet sitting on two old duffel bags."

gyma said...

Thanks, you made me laugh today!

Darlene said...

Oh Nancy, I am giggling out loud. Your jokes always top mine.

Gyma; I'm glad you can laugh with me and not at me. Thanks.